First off Happy New Year to everyone reading! The holidays went by faster than a sneeze, am I right? This post is going to give you a taste of how the chapters in my book are written. How raw and personal I get and a little follow up on the way my book finished up as well.
For Christmas and New Years I vacationed with part of my family to the same place we went last year. The Sandy Lane Resort, if you know about the Sandy Lane Resort then you know it’s one of the hottest places you can stay in Barbados. Believe me I cannot afford this place and I have to pretend I am dreaming every time I get to go. I am absolutely grateful to say the least because this place is a fucking treat to say the least. I could really get a head of myself and then this post would be all about Sandy Lane and my love for Barbados, but that is not what this post is about. You read the title and you are probably asking why I need a vacation from my vacation if this resort was so amazing. It is amazing, BUT…. being a single mother and not having a nanny or a whole lot of help from my family, (everyone has their own agendas on vacation, I get it), I am with my kid all day, which is great don’t get me wrong, but I don’t get a whole lot of me time, hustling to get myself ready and looking fine as fuck for the evening (shut your mouth, I still look good), and trying to get my kid to sleep and the video monitor hooked up to make sure she doesn’t leave the hotel room. (She left the room twice the entire vacation). Luckily she was able to go to the kids club at the hotel this time around for a couple hours here and there so I could work out and read a few pages in the books I brought, and no I didn’t finish any of the books I brought which were half finished when I got there, (insert laughing/crying emoji), and she made some friends this time, because as she says, “I’m not a baby, I’m a big girl!'“
The second thing that made me need a vacation from this vacation was… Are you ready for this? My ex was there! No, not “Sperm Donor” (the dude Mischka is unfortunately related too), my ex that I met on the beach in Barbados last year. Long story short (this will all be in the book), we got into a serious relationship very fast, he told me he loved me, yada yada, I stupidly thought this was the one and he broke up with me over a text a day before Valentines Day because he couldn’t handle the simple task of communication long distance. I am honestly not sure why I attract the assholes and NO I don’t want your opinion on why I might attract them. Let’s just chalk it up too, #daddyissues to make all of you judgy mother fuckers happy and call it a day! Moving right along, shall we? So originally my ex was not going to be there. Yes, we kept in touch, Yes, he apologized (kind of), and Yes, (because I know you are thinking it), I may have visited him once after broke up and YES, we may have slept together because I still had feelings, and well you know the rest, hopefully you aren’t a 13 year old reading this because you surely would not understand. I broke one of my biggest rules which is that I do not sleep with anyone I am not in a relationship with and I do not go back to my ex’s if we aren’t officially back together. But today, my rules do stand strong.
OK, sorry I went off track just a tad. As I was saying, ex dude wasn’t supposed to be on this vacation. We chatted about it and it was said that he was going to spend it with his family and at the last minute he was asked to be on this vacation again. He seemed excited that we were both going to be on this trip. I was hesitant because I knew it would go one of both ways. First way, we reconnect and get back together, second way, we don’t and I get all pissed off because he shows his true colors again, true colors meaning being an asshole. Anyone can act a certain way over text, but in person is what matters. Well the second way is how it went. Honestly it was really hurtful, just very disrespectful and thankfully it made me completely un-attracted to him. That doesn’t mean I didn’t give him a mouthful about what I thought of his behavior! That wouldn’t be me at all. I get some of you don’t know me, so if you don’t, I don’t hide how I am feeling and I certainly don’t hide what needs to be said.
So ya, monitoring kid on vacation and dealing with asshole ex. Shaking my fucking head. Oh I am sorry, did you want me to make that into an acronym so you didn’t have to read each word? I kid I kid! Calm down! I am definitely due for a vacation on my own which I have never done since before my daughter was born. Crazy right? I know, I can’t believe it myself, I should get an award. Honestly tho, the vacation was great despite the little potholes. I made some genuine friendships, my daughter had a fucking blast, my lips weren’t chapped the whole time (my lips are always chapped in New York), good food, sun, drinks, you get the picture.
Many people come up with a New Years resolution, but I don’t really believe in New Years resolutions. I guess I want to stay true to who I am and my convictions and what I deserve which has been my attitude and my way of life for a while now. It’s taking me places and people aren’t messing with me. I just want to keep that going for myself in the New Year. Staying true to who I am, a Single AF boss mom boss! HAHA… But seriously, I have a confidence in myself this past year that has made ME proud of myself and I don’t really care if anyone else is. Through all of the potholes I am making it all work for me and always picking out the weeds and doing my best to avoid the potholes along the way. (Did I sound all life coachy right there? Well I am one, sooooo..)
Alright my friends! Again, Happy 2019, be yourself, and if you are having trouble with that, hit my cute ass up and I will help you build the rock solid confidence that I have built. It’s not easy, so don’t beat yourself up about it!
Lots of love xx