It has surprised me recently how little people know me, people who have known me for enough time that you would think they know key things about me, such as, I am Jewish. Do you see where I am leading? Hopefully you read the news and even if you don’t, this most recent event would be hard not to know about unless you are in a coma.
Yes, I am a Jew, it’s in my blood whether I want it to be or not. I can say that today, here and now, I am proud of everything that I am from head to tow, inside and out. When I was younger I was not proud. It’s very hard to admit that, but trying to contain who I was in high school was due to the fact that I was bullied mercilessly about things that I never should have been ashamed of. I have grown up, I grew up very fast and I am the most comfortable in my 32 year old skin that I have ever been in my whole life. I posted something about what happened in the synagogue just a couple of days ago, trying to be supportive and proactive in putting out the right message, show how much it saddens me, but that I am proud to be Jewish and I want to make differences in this world. I got a comment on my posting in instagram from someone I have know for years, someone I dated and someone whom I thought was a bit smarter then the message I had received. It said “You’re a Jew? I feel like I have been Bamboozled.” Are you fucking kidding me? You feel bamboozled? If you are sitting there reading this asking what bamboozled means, discretely go and google it. Honestly you should really know what that word means, but for those of you that didn’t pay attention in English class, it means “Fooled or cheated.” Very much the wrong word to use given the current state of what is happening in the world. I tried to find support in this situation, I felt really hurt and was already feeling deeply affected by what had happened to the people in the Pittsburg shooting. The only support I got was from people who didn’t know the fellow who sent me the message and not to my surprise, only people who are Jewish as well. My close friends offered me no support except to try and defend this persons behavior. It honestly brought me right back to opening up about my rape and having people question me on that situation and let’s be honest, I got absolutely no support on that.
At first I was pretty stunned and hurt to say the least, when I realized I was alone in handling this terribly comment, but then I reminded myself that some of my friends have absolutely no idea what living in my shoes has been like and they don’t know any better. Something I also have to remind myself of every single day is that the majority of people in this world care way to much about what others think, it’s a fact, whether it’s not wanting to shake up your friend circle because you have a different opinion, afraid that you will be harshly judge or whatever the reason. I am rare, I could care less what others think about my convictions and as far as I am concerned my convictions have gotten me very far in life as a Jewish Women and a single mother.
The most important thing in my opinion is that people need to start practicing is sensitivity and respect. People like to tell me that I am too sensitive about these types of issues and comments and my reply to those that tell me that is, “fuck you!” Yes I am sensitive, I might be more sensitive than most, but I also embrace that and don’t feel ashamed the way it seems people want me to feel about being a sensitive human being. Being sensitive has allowed me to tap into different emotions both with my own and with others that is hard to do. People who do not want to practice sensitivity and respect are part of the problem as far as I am concerned. I want to surround myself by the leaders of the world because I am a leader, not a follower. If your reading this and thinking that I am acting self-righteous, you might be right, but I have every right to act that way, because again, my opinions, my convictions, my actions have taken me far in the best way possible, if they were leading me in the wrong direction then I wouldn’t even be sitting here writing this, I would be sitting in an intense therapy session.
This year has been filled with eye openers, extreme downs, not so many ups. Things are changing very slowly. The most recent shooting at the synagogue hit a spot in my heart that I didn’t think possible. It made me very upset that we are still living in a world that is so hateful, insensitive and disrespectful. I try to put myself in the shoes of others all the time, as a life coach I have too. It is probably why with so much practice I have been able to be sensitive to things that I might not fully understand or that I personally have not been through myself, but I want to understand, I enjoy listening and expanding my knowledge of every situation, it’s the only way to become successful, believe me. For instance, I am not gay or transgender, nor do I understand the hate or ridicule that goes on there, but it’s awful and I do know what it is like to be bullied for being different. I can only try and understand, to listen the best I can and give support as much as I can. The types of people I want to surround myself with and converse with are those who are trying to make this world a better place, those who are being proactive, those who aren’t afraid to stick up for others, those who want to understand and listen. I will not allow my daughter to grow up in a world that is so hateful, I will do everything I can to make it a safer place for her. I will teach her to be sensitive to others, to be the best friend she can be, to be a leader not a follower, and most of all own up to her mistakes, because at the end of the day human beings will never be perfect.
Will we every live to read the news and have it all be wonderful events, where we are laughing and smiling instead of sitting in shock with our jaws dropped, tears rolling from our eyes? Probably not in my lifetime, but the solution lies in what we do as human beings. Ya ya, easier said than done, but I am doing my part as best I can. Parents, raise your little ones to be good citizens of this world, they are the generation that matters, if we screw it up with them, to put it simply…WE WILL BE FUCKED! Let’s UNFUCK ourselves shall we?!